Joy and Sorrow

The last few weeks have been filled with joy and sorrow. Intense joy. Intense sorrow. There’s no other way to describe this except to say, one comes at the expense of the other. How are we to know joy without experiencing sorrow? How are we to know sorrow without experiencing joy? In this world, we can’t. These two come together. They are a team.

I don’t think I’ve experienced such a couple of weeks as intense as these in quite some time. The last couple of weeks of August were over-the-top intense with joy and sorrow each day. Seriously, I felt like I’d been on an extreme roller coaster ride, and I don’t like roller coaster rides!

You’ll hear me say this often: “Be careful what you pray for because God truly does answer!” And my experience tells me, not in ways we want or necessarily expect.

For quite some time, I’ve been digging deeper into God’s Word. I’ve studied the Bible. I’ve read. I’ve prayed. I’ve fasted. I’ve asked God to take me deeper into understanding Him and His ways. I desire to have stronger and deeper roots in the knowledge and understanding of Jesus Himself.

Well, God’s been answering, and He answered big time in August. I’ve had a new awakening of joy and sorrow at deeper levels. That “a-ha” moment came Thursday, August 25, late afternoon when all of a sudden I gained a whole new level of perspective on joy and sorrow. I’ll share that with you, but first let me give you a quick view into what led up to my “a-ha” moment.

This is an exciting time for me. I’m starting my blog. I’ve experienced great joy in getting to spend hours learning something new, writing, preparing, embracing my calling. I get to do one of the coolest things for God. I’m totally over-the-top joyful!

At the same time, I had to say good-bye to my youngest daughter, Rachel. She moved over 1,100 miles away to attend a different university. It’s hard to say good-bye when your kid leaves home. I can’t stand seeing her bedroom with her not in it, and I have to walk by her room a lot. My mom heart hurts at a pretty deep level.

However, my mom heart rejoices she’s growing and developing into a beautiful young woman. I’m over-the-top proud of her for challenging herself and taking a step into her adulthood that has required this homebody child of mine to physically separate herself from her family. I won’t go into details, but I will say when she got to her destination sorrow came in waves.

While Rachel was traveling to Texas, my husband and I traveled to South Dakota to attend our niece’s wedding. Such a joyful occasion.

Unfortunately, while on the road, we learned that a long-time friend was going home from the hospital into hospice care. Sorrow grab me again.

Rachel called numerous times. Sorrow continued.

My husband asked me, “Are you going to be able to be joyful at the wedding?”
“Yes,” I answered, “I will just turn the station of my heart to joy.”

We did rejoice that evening at a backyard BBQ. My brother, the Father of the Bride, greeted us with a big hug. It was a joyful evening.

The next evening, more joy. Lots of fun. Lots of family. Lots of dancing. But, can I say, that my one and only brother, who I adore, loves his only daughter to pieces? Tears well up now as I think back to his giving her away and then that toast and speech he made at the reception. He couldn’t get through it without crying. Letting go is so hard. Joy and sorrow.

The next day I spent some time with my 87-year old mom. Joyful. I love her. She’s one of my personal heroes. Sorrowful. She’s struggling in many ways. All I’m going to say is “Dementia.”

Coming home Saturday night and seeing my daughter’s empty bedroom only validated to me that God was up to something in my life this August. I couldn’t understand what, but I realized enough that I started questioning Him. In fact, I asked God a lot of questions that evening before sleep took over.

The very next morning during my quiet time, God answered me through four, yet powerful words, “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,” (2 Corinthians 6:10). I guess I was beginning to understand that sorrow and joy truly are a team in this world. It’s not my imagination. It’s truth.

I wanted my normal back. After a week of my so-called “vacation,” it was hard getting back into a normal flow. Honestly, I’m not sure what normal was for me. I was thankful for the work week because that would give me something familiar.

I work at Bethel University. I’m proud to say I work at Bethel. The week I returned from vacation was Welcome Week, which is one of those weeks where all hands are on deck because the students are moving in. It’s a week filled with lots of activity. Thursday was freshmen move-in day. Like 800 of them! I love this day! It’s fun, festive, and family-oriented. Bethel knows how to rock this day. We have an amazing group of joyful students and employees who help new students quickly realize how important they are, and we welcome them to their new home. We have a blast!

This was a day I experienced intense joy all day long at work. I was really feeling jubilant and excited about life. I planned to wrap up my work day in my office after rejoicing over a coworker’s daughter moving onto campus. Then I received a text from my oldest daughter. And sorrow burst through and took me down to a depth of intensity I wasn’t prepared for.

“Doug died!”

Tears flowed. My heart and soul mourned for my friends and their family and all the sorrow that was sure to have filled their hearts.

Over the next few minutes, I just sat in my office stunned, alone, and crying. I prayed. Tears really don’t describe sorrow’s intensity at these depths. Nor does a smile and shouts of cheer do justice to intense joy.

Doug was a Christ-follower. So our joy comes because we know he went home to the most joy-filled place there ever will be. We won’t understand the intensity of that joy until we get there. The sorrow Doug’s family is experiencing is real and raw. Having to let go and say good-bye is more than hard. It’s painful at a whole new level.

As I sat in my office pondering all of this, it hit me, “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing!”

Joy and sorrow go hand-in-hand. They’re a team. We can’t have one without the other. We can’t understand the height of God’s joy nor the depth of His sorrow unless He allows us, and unless we experience it in ways of His choosing. Sometimes it’s saying good-bye to a child moving out. Sometimes it’s beginning a new journey filled with excitement. Sometimes, it’s welcoming people to their new home and a new adventure. Sometimes it’s giving a daughter away in marriage. And sometimes, it is the final good-bye in this world. Joy and Sorrow.

Yes, sorrow comes, but joy always comes too. They are a team in this world.

So, don’t fight it. We truly can’t understand one without the other. We truly won’t live in this world without experiencing both. My advice:  Embrace both joy and sorrow.

As Teilhard de Chardin observed, “Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God.”
My prayer for you is that you will experience the presence of God not just in your joyful times, but also your sorrowful ones.