Blind Spots

We all have them! Blind spots are those areas in our life we personally don’t see…about ourselves. I’ve learned each human being has four quadrants that make up our knowledge about our individual lives.

 

Quadrant One:  You know stuff about yourself that no one else knows.
Quadrant Two:  You know stuff about yourself that others know too.
Quadrant Three:  You don’t know stuff about yourself that others know about you.
Quadrant Four:  Only God knows this stuff about you.

Quadrants three and four are where blind spots live. Now, let me first say, not all blind spots are negative or unpleasant. Sometimes they are, but sometimes they’re pretty positive and pleasant.

For example, there was a time in my life I didn’t know I was talented at writing. Then along came some professors who told me! Now, I had to write some papers for them to discover that about me, but when they did, they told me.

I admit, that’s pretty cool when you learn pleasant and positive things about yourself.

But when you learn not-so-cool things about yourself that can be harder to digest.

But learning unpleasant things about ourselves can lead to some of the most amazing conversations and opportunities for growth you’ll ever experience.

Revealed blind spots provide opportunities for positive response.

Long ago I decided I want to be a positive influence in others’ lives. I don’t ever want to be that person who people run from when they see me coming! You know what I’m talking about. When you’re at the store and you see one of “those” people. You quickly turn your cart around and head down a different isle. Or the person who calls you, and you don’t answer because they talk too much and too long?

I don’t want to be one of those individuals who people are afraid to tell me things. I want to be approachable. I want people to know that when they have something not so cool to tell me about me, they can. I also want to be one of those people who can do the same for them.

Interpersonal communication is one of the greatest skills we can acquire and one of the components of being an effective interpersonal communicator includes two significant requirements:  1) You need to be approachable, and 2) you need to be willing to approach others in love. Meaning, be honest and respectful.

Now, this doesn’t usually come natural to most of us humans. We need to learn how to be approachable, and we need to learn how to approach others with complete honesty and complete respect. Meaning, in order to become effective interpersonal communicators, we need to learn some skills. Then we need to practice those skills. Some of these skills will take time to develop.

True story ahead!

I’ve been on a journey to become an effective communicator. I even have two degrees in communication as proof! I’ve studied. I’ve read amazing books. I’ve practiced communication skills. As long as I breathe, I will be a student and practitioner of better communication skills. I believe communication skills can either enhance or tear down relationships.

I’m also a believer everyone has blind spots.

For years I’ve prayed the Lord would reveal my blind spots to me. He’s been faithful to do just that, both cool and uncool ones.

This weekend, one was revealed to me, and it was one that fit in the “not-so-cool” category.

Being blessed with communication talents can be deceiving sometimes. Those of us who are good at written and verbal communication skills sometimes don’t realize that listening is a communication skill. We don’t usually do so well at this communication skill either.

I’ve been on a journey to increase my listening skills for quite some time. This weekend, I received an evaluation of how well I’m doing. A blind spot was revealed to me in one of the most grace-filled, kind, and brave ways. It took courage from the one who told me some hard truth.

“Mom, I have {pause} something to tell you. It’s probably going to be a hard conversation to have.”

Now, as a mom you can imagine what went racing through my mind. But as I listened I learned about one of my own blind spots. I learned I still have a long way to go with be an effective listener. I have lots of “great thoughts,” but I “don’t allow” time for responding. I just go on to the next thought, suggestion, or practical application idea. Truth. Honesty. Respect.

I’m grateful for my blind spot to be brought to my attention. I’m grateful my child was brave enough to approach me with respect. I’m grateful I get to practice some more.

Guess what happened? Because of this blind spot revelation, I learned some pretty cool things from my son. I learned he’s brave enough to approach others with honesty and respect to have a crucial conversation to enhance the relationship. I learned he thinks I have some really great ideas! How cool is that? I learned he really cares about our relationship enough to tell me some hard truth.

Finally, I recommend a couple of resources if you would like to learn more about improving your own communication skills:

Crucial Conversations if one of the best books I’ve read how to have tough conversations.

Just Listen is one I’m currently reading that provides helpful tools how to, well, just listen.

Are you willing to do that for others? Are you willing to have a crucial conversation with someone even if it means revealing a blind spot to them? Are you willing to be approachable and listen so someone else can tell you, you have a blind spot?

I would love to hear some of your stories of having hard conversations, whether you were on the receiving end, or you were the one being brave enough to share the hard truth with someone.

How did it turn out? Please share your stories by leaving a comment or send me an email. I promise to respond.

Remember, a friend tells the the truth with complete honesty and complete respect even if it means risking the relationship. (Proverbs 9:8-9; Proverbs 27:17).