There are a lot of lovers out this weekend and cupid’s arrow is being shot. Boxes of chocolates, cheesy cards, flowers, candles, wine, and lacy lingerie are being purchased today in astronomical amounts. Dinner reservations are all in full force this weekend causing restaurant staff to hustle and bustle to appease the romantics out wooing each other. Here’s my question: what’s love got to do with it?
True Story Ahead
I’ve been fascinated about love for a long time, probably my whole life. I’m very interested in love. I’ve been in love. I’ve read books about love. I’ve studied love.
In fact, I was so interested in love, I wrote my master’s thesis about love. Specifically, I wrote about the communication of love in marriage.
I actually wanted to title my thesis, “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” But my advising professor didn’t think Tina Turner’s song title would result in higher academia a master’s thesis required.
Drat! I really loved that title too!
In the end, he was right. My defense committee wouldn’t have approved that title anyway. So instead of my desired intriguing title, I entitled my thesis, “Communication of Love in Marriage: An Analysis of Metaphors.” Sounds like a best seller, doesn’t it?
Regardless of the title, the research was fascinating. I learned a great deal. That knowledge has added to my personal knowledge gained through my being married for 30 years. Now, I can share with you what love is and what love has to do with marriage.
[shareable cite=”Michelle Barringer”]Communication of love has a direct connection to fulfilling and satisfying marriages and romantic relationships.[/shareable]
So What is Love?
Love is more than “a second hand emotion” as Turner sang. Let me tell you what love is:
- Love is patient.
- Love is kind.
- Love doesn’t envy.
- Love is not arrogant.
- Love is not rude.
- Love does not dishonor others.
- Love does not insist on its own way.
- Love is not irritable.
- Love is not resentful.
- Love is not easily angered.
- Love keeps no record of wrongs.
- Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
- Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- Love never fails.
Stephen R. Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People noted that love is a verb, and love the noun is the feeling that results from love the verb. The list above supports love is a verb, meaning love is action. I personally agree if you don’t feel love any more, then start communicating love, rather, start doing love.
How to Communicate Love
So how do we love our spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend like the list above? Well, here are some great ways my husband and I communicate love (do love) to one another:
- Compliment. “Hey, you’re looking beautiful today.” Or “Nice biceps!”
- Be considerate. “Thanks for picking up groceries on your way home from work. That saved me time today.” Or “I shaved for you today!”
- Be courteous and respectful. Guys, open the door for her. She deserves your respect just like you deserve hers. Plus, I’m telling you, chivalry is still awesome to be on the receiving end of. Women, it’s time to stop nagging. You actually don’t need to remind him a million times to do something. Respect his abilities and memory.
- Be patient with one another. If your significant other is taking a very long time in the bathroom, rather than continuous knocking on the door and yelling at him/her to hurry up, how about not say anything? Quiet yourself. Wait your turn.
- If you are tired, sick, or just had a horrible day, don’t take it out on your partner. Irritability is one of those things both my husband and I have had to learn how to control. We’re human, and we’ve each allowed irritability to rule us at times, but when that happens we both suffer. I’m telling you love is not allowing yourself to be irritable. Yes, you can control your irritability. Use self-control.
- Okay, stop reminding each other of all the things you’ve both done wrong. It’s time to forgive and let the past be the past. If you keep bringing up stuff that’s long over, it will not bring you intimately closer. It actually has the opposite effect on your relationship. Let it go.
- Protect each other. Protect his heart. Protect her heart. We are human. We can be very vulnerable and can be hurt easily. Be careful with the words you use.
- Don’t be selfish and insist on your way. Compromise. Sometimes women, we have to watch golf on TV with him. Sometimes guys, you’re going to have to go shopping with her.
- Speak truth in love, meaning be kind and gentle. If there’s a tough truth you need to share with each other, you need to be able to have that difficult conversation in a safe space. When you need to tell your husband you can’t stand it when he leaves his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor, you can tell him with kindness rather than being moody and whiny. Guys if you feel you’re not getting enough sex from your wife, rather than being bossy and whiny about it, how about woo her? You might actually get what you want as a result. I promise you if you complain to her about not giving out enough, you aren’t getting any that night. Trust me on this one. Remember, I’ve been married 30 years. Kindness and gentleness always trumps whiny crabbiness.
- Trust each other. Trust is the foundation of solid marriages and relationships. Trust is built over time, but it can be destroyed in a second. Be very careful to do everything in your power to keep yourself trustworthy. For example, your promises have to mean something. Keep your promises.
Happy Valentine’s Day
So here’s my final advice to you about love. Love matters. How you communicate love to your spouse or significant other matters. If you truly love someone, they will know. They’ll know because you’re kind and gentle to them, you’re patient with them, you’re not rude and irritable with them, you’re not selfish, you’re giving and helpful to them, and you’re willing to protect them.
What’s love got to do with relationships? Everything! Effective communication of love will create a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
So, have a Happy Valentine’s Day and go ahead, give each other chocolate, cheesy cards, and kisses. You’ll be happy you did.
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