Painted Fingernails

I listened to an audio book, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott on my drive to South Dakota over the weekend. I’m inspired and challenged. Painted fingernails have a whole new meaning to me now.

Lamott challenges writers to risk being vulnerable.

“If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal.”

Then she says,

“So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability.”

So, I am to write about real emotion inside of me. Her instructions validate my own writing style. Hence, why I write about true stories. The only difference now is it’s time for me to become more vulnerable.

True Story Ahead

I skimmed titles on book spines on the dusty bookshelf. The variety of topics was so reminiscent of the owner of the books. Lots of books about God and nutrition lined the shelves. The encyclopedia of living a highly nutritional life lives on these shelves!

My eyes spied a Zig Ziglar book. I slowly pulled it off the shelf, held it up for the owner to see, and excitedly said, “You have read Zig Ziglar!”

She shrugged her now tiny shoulders as she sat in her old brown leather chair. She flashed me that smile she’s shown me at least a gazillion times in my life.

I opened the book and saw her handwritten name in cursive. Yep, she’s the owner of this book.

There was a piece of paper folded into quarters tucked inside the book as a book marker. Opening up the paper, my eyes filled with tears as I read the words, “Live Your Dream.”

Did she? Did the owner of this book live her dream? I turned to look at her. Sitting with her lap wrapped in a pink, knitted blanket and her wispy gray hair framing her wrinkly 88-year old face, she smiled at me again.

I folded the paper back up and placed it neatly back in her book, then I set the book back in its reserved spot on the cluttered shelf. My heart flooded with sadness as I thought, “Mom won’t remember we had this conversation.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.

That moment mattered.

My mom and I shared a present moment. We shared a conversation about books, her love of books and my love of books. She smiled. I smiled.

Mother’s Day Gift

What do you get your mom for Mother’s Day when she’s 88 years old and suffers with many ailments, which includes but is not limited to, arthritis, breast cancer, and dementia?

For a number of days I pondered this question.

I’m a gift giver. It’s my love language. It’s my mom’s love language too.

As a mom myself, I know the greatest gift my own children can give me is their presence. I enjoy spending time with my children. So, I know I take after my mom in some ways. We both love books. We both love our children’s presence. I went home to South Dakota over the weekend to be present in my mom’s life and my siblings’ lives.

Nevertheless, I also wanted to give something that would delight her and help bring a smile to her face. I wanted to give her happiness.

I desired to give my mom a special gift even though I knew she wouldn’t even know it was Mother’s Day. I wanted to say in some tangible and lasting way, “Mom I love you. I know you. Thanks for being my mom for always!”

So, when you know your mom loves gifts, but is struggling with old age and major health issues, what do you get her for Mother’s Day?

I wanted my mom to have some color in her life again. I wanted to give her something that would say, “Here’s some happiness!”

The greatest idea finally came to me: painted fingernails!

This was a perfect gift for her. She has long fingernails. She’s enjoyed having nail polish on them in the past. She just doesn’t get that done very often any more. Arthritis is painful, by the way.

It was decided. I would take her to get her fingernails painted.

Have you ever taken an 88-year old woman with dementia and arthritis to get a manicure? Let me explain how it goes:

1. Tell her where you are taking her.
2. Be prepared to walk slowly.
3. Tell her again where you are taking her.
4. Explain her situation to the nail technician.
5. Tell her again what you are doing.
6. Remind the nail technician to be very gentle with this 88-year old woman’s hands.
7. Tell her again what you are doing.
8. Remove the brace from arthritic hand.
9. Tell her again what is happening.
10. Ask what color nail polish she’d like on her fingernails.
11. Don’t assume you know what the color “red” means to her.
12. Watch very closely that the nail technician is being gentle.
13. Show her at least six shades of red (including burgundy, not just Santa Claus red).
14. Be prepared to explain why her hands have to stay under the hand dryer.
15. Remind her not to touch her fingernails, not just once, not just twice, but about six times.
16. Ask the nail technician to redo a thumb nail because she touch it and smudged it.
17. Be sure to tip the nail technician handsomely!
18. Tell her again on your way home she got got her fingernails painted.
19. When she asks when she got her nail polish on and who did that, tell her again.
20. When you tuck the pink-knitted blanket around her again as she settles back into her brown leather chair, tell her again, she got her fingernails painted.

Painted Fingernails and a Happy Heart

“A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face” (Proverbs 15:13)

I know my mom won’t remember I took her to get her nails painted, but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that I know each time she sees her hands and notices her beautifully painted nails, she’ll smile. In that moment, she’s happy.

What blesses me most is knowing my mom will have many new moments in the coming week or two with her cabernet-colored nails.

Because of her dementia, I know she’ll experience seeing her shiny, colorful fingernails for the first time again and again and again. In each present moment she sees her painted fingernails, she’ll experience happiness. Now that makes my heart joyful and puts a smile on my face too.

Lamott says,

“We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It’s like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can’t stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.”

I can’t stop the raging storm my mom is in right now as her earthy life is coming closer and closer to ending. As we continue to walk this journey together, I can paint her fingernails, which bring some color, happiness, and a smile to her face many times a day.

I know a happy heart makes the face smile. Painted fingernails makes my mom smile, so I know I’ve given her a gift of a happy heart.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I love you!