Today is a special day. It’s Valentine’s Day, the day of romance. It’s a fun day for many people. But Valentine’s Day has taken on a deeper meaning to me and it all began 20 years ago. I wholeheartedly believe it’s good to celebrate love. In fact, we need to celebrate love. Love never fails. This is why today, I pay tribute to my parents.
True Story Ahead
On June 1, 1949 my parents said these vows to each other:
“I take thee to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Valentine’s Day 1998 my dad went to heaven. While it was a sad day, it was also day filled with relief. You see, my dad had MS. He was diagnosed with MS in 1965. He died at 69 years old and that means he suffered half his life with that debilitating disease.
Because I was a baby when Dad was diagnosed, I grew up watching my parents live their vows in ways that I’m sure on their wedding day, they would never have imagined.
I watched love being lived in some of the toughest moments. Sure it’s easy to love when all is well, but when you have a family of six children and daddy gets MS, things change. Mom went to work as a teacher and financially supported our family. Well, except for the small portion my dad got from Social Security. Still, we never went hungry, and I always knew I was loved.
My mom was amazing! She worked full time, would come home cook a meal, spend time with my dad, and well, as we all know adults have bills to pay and a million other things that need to be done in the evenings and on the weekends. When one partner can’t help with any of those things, the burden is heavy. I honestly don’t know how she did it all.
I saw my mom’s faithfulness to my dad throughout the years. I watched my dad worsen to the point of not being able to care for himself at all. My mom sacrificed many things to make sure he was cared for. While I know many would leave a marriage under the circumstances, my mom’s promise was more important than the pain I’m sure she experienced.
Love is being faithful to your vows during the worst times, the sick times, and the poor times. Love is being patient and kind to your husband when he can’t give you anything in return. Love is going to the nursing home almost daily for the last seven years of your husband’s life, making sure he is being cared for and spending time with him watching his favorite shows. I’m sure my mom didn’t really like Westerns, but my dad did.
I learned from my mom the power of love and the faithfulness of our promises matter. I know her role modeling for decades helped me when it was my turn to power through some worse, sick and poor times in my own marriage. Our promise has to be more important than the pain.
Now, my dad, well, I learned a ton from him too. He didn’t choose to teach me this way, but I’ve come to believe God used my dad’s illness to teach me about love too. Love is compassion for others who suffer. Learning to honor the dignity of those with disabilities came from living with my dad and having to help care for him. When you love someone, you treat them with respect and kindness. It doesn’t matter if they can’t walk or talk or help you learn to ride a bike. If they can’t, they still are worthy of love and compassion.
I learned not to be scared of people different from me because of my dad’s MS. I learned that if I’m capable of helping, I should. I learned I’m not better than anyone else just because I can walk and talk and am physically healthy. I learned no matter what, people with disabilities have a lot to teach us. We just need to pay attention and spend time with them.
I learned having wheelchair races is fun. I learned that grocery shopping with dad meant we’d get sugar cereal and pop, maybe even Pop Tarts. I learned that watching TV with dad meant that I would get to spend time with him. We didn’t need to talk. Just being in the same room with him meant so much to me.
While I would never have wanted my dad to suffer like he did, I’m grateful for all I learned because of his suffering.
Today, as I am reminded that 20 years has gone by since my parent’s marriage officially ended with dad going to heaven, I’m in awe of their love. Love isn’t just romance. Love is kindness, faithfulness, and compassion. Love is day in and day out being with someone enduring the good, the bad, and the ugly. Love is not giving up when life gets tough.
Love is not just staying with each other when it’s all chocolate and roses. Love is suffering with each other too. I have my parents to thank for showing me what love is.
My mom is 89 years old now and struggles with dementia and a few other health issues. I doubt she knows what day it is, but I know deep in her heart she still has a love for my dad that is ignited. She never remarried. She said more than once, “He was the love of my life.”
To My Parents This Special Valentine’s Day
Mom, thank you for loving dad so much. Thank you for your faithfulness to dad and for all the hard things you had to endure. I know it wasn’t easy, but you did it anyway. You sacrificed for his sake. I’ll never forget your love for dad. I’ll treasure your faithfulness to him always.
Dad, I never got that daughter-father dance at my wedding. I’m expecting one when we see each other again one day. I heard you used to have some pretty awesome dance moves. I want you to teach me your moves. And just so you know, I know how hard it was for you to not be able to help mom. I know once you were physically strong and capable. I know you would have done anything to be that again. I believe you are now and when mom sees you again I think she’d like to dance with you too.
Mom and Dad, you both showed me love in ways I never would have witnessed or learned had dad not had MS. I know it was hard for you both, but I’m so grateful love never fails.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
with love,
Michelle
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