In the Cool of the Morning

One month ago today, my Mom died. I miss her. I can’t believe how many times tears well up in me. Mornings are especially difficult for me. I’m not sure why. It’s not like I used to talk to her in the morning. It might be because mornings are the time of day when I am quiet. I am still. I spend time alone with God. Perhaps in the cool of the morning, my heart is the most vulnerable and most ready to show its true self. These are the moments God powerfully enters into my world. In the cool of the morning…

True Story Ahead

I intentionally get up early just so that I can hang out with God. I have taken over my oldest daughter’s bedroom since she moved out a few months ago. It’s a mess in this room. Not her mess, but mine. But there is one corner that’s clear of clutter. In the cool of the morning, I enter this corner and talk with God. I listen to God too.

I have a pillow I call my “prayer pillow” on the floor in this corner. Sometimes I sit on my prayer pillow. Sometimes I kneel. Sometimes my face is planted into the pillow as I lay prostrate on the floor.

Lately, I’ve been sitting on my prayer pillow. When I sit there, I see a picture my Mom painted for me. It’s hanging on the wall opposite this corner. During the last month, every single time I sit on my prayer pillow, when I see this picture I cry. Every. Single. Time.

Tears roll down my face. I can’t stop them. They just fall and fall and fall from my eyes. My Mom is not here anymore and my heart is sad. Yes, I know she’s in heaven. She loved Jesus so much. So yes, I know she’s experiencing joy, and for that I’m joyful too. Still, my heart is sad. I miss her. I cry.

“In the Cool of the Morning”

It’s only been four weeks since Mom died and yet every single day I’ve thought, “I should call Mom to tell her…” And then I remember I can’t call her any more. And my heart is sad in that moment. I didn’t realize how much I thought about my Mom until the last four weeks. It was so natural for me to “think” about my Mom I hadn’t even realized it until she died.

In the cool of the morning, I think of her a lot. Every. Single. Day.

Two weeks ago after I spoke at the 2018 Set Apart Conference, I was filled with the awe of Jesus and excitement of being able to serve Him in the way I had at the conference.

As I drove home after the conference I thought, “I need to call Mom and tell her all about the conference.” I was excited to tell her and then I realized I couldn’t. She had died two weeks before. I know she’d be proud of me. If she could see me from heaven, I’m sure she was rejoicing with me that I had taken a giant step of faith fulfilling a huge assignment God has given me as part of my purpose. Still in those quiet moments driving home from the conference, my emotions went from rejoicing to mourning. How quickly grief grips us.

I’ve been unprepared for this grief. I truly didn’t expect to grieve like I have been. I always thought that because my Mom loved Jesus so much and the fact that she had lived a long life (89 years old), that I would not grieve. Rather I honestly thought I would just be joyful. Joyful that she finally got to see Jesus face to face.

Then she died and my heart went directly to mourning. In the cool of the morning, my heart grieves. It’s hard for me to feel happy.

One of the gifts God has given me is the spiritual gift of encouragement. One assignment I have is to write daily inspirations that I call “Morning Musings.” I’ve been posting them on my public Facebook page. Do you know how hard it is to encourage others when you’re grieving? I can’t give something to another when I don’t have it myself.

Yet, I know when God calls us to a purpose, He equips us (Hebrews 13:21, Ephesians 2:10, Philippians 2:13).

It shouldn’t surprise me that during my most painful moments, when I’m most distraught, when I’m deeply grieved, lacking encouragement, the most tender and most intense comfort and encouragement comes to me.

But it does surprise me because in those intense grieving moments, I can’t imagine feeling encouragement, not for myself and surely not encouragement to lend to others.

Then Jesus shows up.

Every morning the Lord comforts me. He understands the grief I feel. He lets me cry. Then He lifts me up and encourages me. That, my friends, is where the encouragement I share with you comes from: Jesus Himself. As He encourages me, I encourage you.

In the cool of the morning, my grief is the most intense right now. In the cool of the morning comfort comes.

Jesus Himself is our comforter. He strengthens us so that we can comfort and encourage others in whatever we do or say (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17).

In the cool of the morning, encouragement comes. In the cool of the morning strength comes.

Jesus Himself comforts, encourages, and strengthens me. Every. Single. Morning.

As He does this for me, I then am equipped to encourage you.

It seems miraculous because it is.

I could never encourage anyone’s heart if I wasn’t first encouraged. I could never lend my faith or inspire grit, if I wasn’t first given faith and grit. I’ve learned Jesus really does personally encourage, strengthen, and help me to stand so that I can share this encouragement, comfort, and strength with others.

My deepest desire is to encourage your hearts, lend my faith, and inspire grit (perseverance). I want to help build you up by reminding you who Jesus is and how He transforms lives.

Jesus has drastically transformed my life. He’s transforming my life right now.

As I walk through the shadow of grieving right now, my heart’s desire is to share the comfort and encouragement I personally receive so that you will be inspired, strengthened, and encouraged. This is my purpose for Jesus. This is my calling. To spread the good news of Jesus and the hope He brings.

My Mom was a lot of things and one of those included being an artist, a painter. The picture I look at every morning is the one you see below.

About a week ago as I was looking at my Mom’s painting up close, I realized the frame had collected dust. So I took it off the wall and gently dusted the frame. I turned the frame to dust the back, and I noticed Mom’s handwriting on the back of the canvas. It was upside down, so I flipped her painting so I could read what she, the artist, had written:

Title: “In the Cool of the Morning”

My Mom painted this picture years ago for me, but it’s only now that this piece of artwork has fulfilled its true meaning for me.

Thanks Mom for sharing your gift with me. I love you, Mom. Thanks for the forever reminder who your God was and is and who my God is too.

In the cool of the morning, I rise, seek my God, praise His name. He hears my prayers. He comforts me. He encourages me. He strengthens me. He restores my soul. Jesus equips me in the cool of the morning.

Blessing for Today:

May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loves us and by His grace gives us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you and encourage you in every good thing you do and say, not just in the cool of the morning, but all day long.