Every Christmas I buy myself a gift. I wrap it and place it under the tree. Then on Christmas morning, I open my gift with my family present. It’s a fun tradition. The picture for this post is the gift I gave to myself: a chalkboard to write what I’m thankful for. I never would have thought the word that’s written on it today would ever be something I’d be thankful for.
True Story Ahead
It’s just about 4 a.m. I’ve been awake for the last two hours. After tossing and turning, I finally got up at 2:30, made a cup of coffee, then made my way to my writer’s room. For the last 90 minutes I’ve sat quietly praying and crying to my Heavenly Father, my God. I have much on my mind and my heart.
I’m not really even sure what I’m supposed to write to you today, but the gravitational pull to share couldn’t be any stronger than it is right now, at 4 a.m.
Sorrow feels like it’s swallowing me. There’s never been a time in my life where I was this conscious of the power of sorrow. It’s not a bad thing. Sorrow is doing a mighty work in me. Sorrow has a purpose, a powerful purpose.
Quite some time ago, and on a number of occasions, I’ve prayed, “Lord, break my heart with what breaks Your heart.” Friends, there are many things that break God’s heart. If just the last few weeks of my sorrow journey is any evidence, I can attest, Jesus’ heart is breaking.
We live in a very difficult world. One filled with sin and darkness. That’s the way it is for now. One day Jesus will return and things will be different, but right now, we live in a world that has a lot of things in it that break our hearts and His heart too.
I can barely take it most days. I’ve never felt this kind of intense heartbreaking before. Oh, I’ve had intense sorrow many times throughout my life, but something is quite different right now. I haven’t had one day go by in months where I haven’t cried tears of sorrow. I’ve been grieving a lot.
This is strange for me. I’ve spent much of my life trying to push away sorrow, pain, and grief as fast as possible. In fact, I’ve been the one to “lighten it up” when things are sad or difficult for others. People look to me to lighten it up. It’s a God-given gift to be able to “lighten it up,” but God is not letting me “lighten it up” right now. He’s having me experience the depth of sorrow I think because He’s answering some of my prayers.
Risky Prayers
I’ve prayed a lot of risky prayers in my life. Such as “Do what You have to do, Lord, to keep me coming back to You every day,” and “Make me patient, Lord.” And “Help me to stop talking so much.” But praying “Break my heart with what breaks Yours,” is one of the riskiest prayers I’ve ever prayed. I just didn’t know it at the time I prayed.
God answers prayers in His perfect timing. Apparently, His perfect timing is right now for me to receive His answer because my heart is breaking and filled with much sorrow and grief.
Friends, Jesus’ heart is breaking. His heart breaks when husbands and wives argue and don’t listen to each other. His heart breaks when couples divorce. His heart breaks when sisters and brothers die and leave their siblings to live without them. His heart breaks when mothers and fathers are ill. His heart breaks when a mom struggles to breathe. His heart breaks when little children are homeless, right here in America. His heart breaks when a six-year old child doesn’t know if he was good enough to get a present from Santa. His heart breaks when people suffer from anxiety and don’t know how to deal with it. His heart breaks when parents abuse their children. His heart breaks when bosses mistreat their employees. His heart breaks when a college student has no friends. His heart breaks when people take a chance, visit a church service and no one notices them. His heart breaks when children don’t obey their parents. His heart breaks when adult children don’t honor their parents. His heart breaks when we love the wrong stuff. His heart breaks when one of His children’s heart is breaking.
There’s so much that breaks the heart of my God. I know more now than ever before just how much.
Sorrow has Purpose
This past year and even in this very tender moment as I’m writing, I’ve had much personal sorrow, but sorrow has a powerful purpose. I understand the depth of my Father’s love more than I ever have before. I know His heart hurts too. I know He cares about my hurts. I know He cares about your hurts, no matter what they are. God’s heart breaks when our hearts break.
He’s opened my eyes in a new way to see sorrow in people’s hearts even my own. I’m embracing sorrow now. I never used to want to embrace it. I’d want to avoid it. It scared me. It made me feel out of control. It made me feel like the enemy was winning. But that’s not true.
Sorrow shows me what breaks the heart of my God. For that I’m grateful. Yes, I’m actually thankful for sorrow. Now that’s amazing. I never would have ever thought I’d be thankful for sorrow.
But sorrow has a powerful purpose. It’s showing me another part of the heart of my God. And I think He’s answering other prayers I’ve prayed. “Lord grant me more wisdom and knowledge.”
“For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” ~ Ecclesiastes 1:18
Jesus is answering my prayers, just not how I thought He would. Who knew gaining more wisdom and knowledge would require me to experience so much sorrow and grief. Who knew experiencing so much heartbreaking sorrow during this last year would show me how much God’s heart breaks too. I didn’t know that, but I do now, and I’m wiser for it. So yes, I’m thankful for sorrow.
One day I know there will be no more sorrow. It will have fulfilled its purpose. It will not be needed in heaven, nor allowed in heaven. But right now in this world, sorrow exists. If we allow sorrow to do its work in us, we can have more wisdom and knowledge. If we let sorrow fulfill its purpose, we can gain a little more understanding and insight about Jesus’ heart. If we let sorrow fulfill its purpose, we win, not lose.
Today, I’m thankful for sorrow. Today, I will let sorrow do its work in me so that I can do my work for Jesus.
Leave a Reply