What Do You Want?

Last week my blog post took a lot of work to write. It was long. Yet, it was what Jesus wanted me to write. Writing about the power of distraction while experiencing the power of distraction was a frustrating experience. I guess that was His point. Sometimes, Jesus wants me to share present-moment experiences even when I don’t always want to. Being real and transparent isn’t always easy. Seems again Jesus has me writing about what I’m living in the present moment. Who do you think asked this question this week:  What do you want?

On my walk with my husband Bob at lunch time Monday, I mentioned I wanted this week’s blog post to be short since last week’s was extra long. I also wanted it to be easy on me since last week’s writing was hard on me.

After work Monday, I told Bob I was going to sit with God for a while and see what He wanted me to write about. It’s the only way it works for me. I’ve tried forcing what I want to write about and let’s just say, those writings fall flat in every way. 

It’s not worth wasting my time trying to write something for you if Jesus doesn’t want me to.

Sitting in my chair looking out my writer’s room window, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to write about this week. I shared with Him I desired something easy and short given we challenged you last week with the LONG reading. I thought it would be a good idea to remind Him, you know, in case He forgot. 

Friends, I’m your advocate. I know you’re all busy. I get it. I got your back, friends.

Then I sat quietly and waited a long time. 

Clearing my throat, I spoke again. “I’m not receiving anything, Lord. Tonight is the night I’ve scheduled to write this blog post. So…?” (You need to picture me motioning to God to hurry up the process of revelation.)

We can’t hurry God just because we have determined our own timing. He’s going to remind us, that He’s longsuffering, as in, VERY patient. And He’s in the business of producing fruit in us. One being patience.

I waited more. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, His soft voice directed me to read John 15. Honestly, I sighed. Again? You want me to read John 15 again? 

Friends, the message of John 15 is a personal mission God has for me this year. He’s firmly planted me in this chapter. So, I read it again. I prayed. I assumed there was something in this particular chapter I was supposed to share with you.

I asked what part of John 15 He wanted me to write about? No answer. So, I decided to read John 15 in my two newest Bibles seeking possible clues. 

There were no clues. 

It’s a frustrating experience when I don’t know what to look for. I did what I always do. 

I stopped. Asked again. Then waited to hear from Him.

Often, I’ll get direction to open my laptop and open a new Word document. A blank page staring at me. God likes blank pages. 

I’m not always as excited as God is with a blank page. Starting is usually the hardest part for me as a writer. 

With the cursor blinking at me, we both waited. What would be the first word typed?

In Jesus’ usual style, He asked me a question.

“What do you want?”

In my usual style, I started typing a light-hearted and silly list of things I want. These were the last ones I typed:

• I want to eat whatever I want and still be the weight I want and still be healthy.
• I want to be the weight I want and not have to work for it.

Bingo.

“You want all the blessings without all the work.” ~ Jesus

Ouch!

Did Jesus really say that to me? 

He sure did.

And of course, He brought it front and center. It’s not about my weight, friends. It was about my writing this week. I wanted to write a short, easy blog post for you this week.

I didn’t really want to have to work hard. You know, surrender my time. Put in the effort. Be patient to hear from Jesus what He wanted for you this week. I had my agenda, my timing, my Monday evening reserved to do the whole project as fast as possible.

Ouch! It stung what Jesus said about me because I value seeking Him so much about what He wants. I value wanting to serve Him well with my writing to bless you. And yet, He pointed out something unpleasant inside of me. 

Pride

Friends, as you know, being humbled by God Himself can hurt. I’m grateful He was gentle with me. But He got to the root of my issue:  pride. 

Do you know why it was so hard for me to “hear” His message for you? I was in the way. I wanted short and easy. I wanted the words to fly onto the blank page. You know, fast pace. 

Even though I prayed seeking what God wanted, my own agenda (my pride) got in the way of hearing Him.

I didn’t realize that I wanted the blessing of a written blog post without putting in the work this week.

Ugh! I’m sorry, friends. I was thinking you’d not be interested in reading my blog post if it were another long one. Right now, as I type, I have no idea how long this post will be. Clearly, that’s up to God now.

By the way, it’s now Wednesday after work, and I’m just getting back to working with God on this blog post. I wanted this post to be published on Tuesday. That was yesterday! Apparently, Jesus did not get my memo on timing this week.

I wanted short. I wanted easy. I wanted an earlier publishing date. I wanted. I. 

That’s pride, friends.

Pride comes in all kinds of forms. Before we fall, we usually have been focusing on our “wants” a little too much (Proverbs 16:18).

That does not bless anyone. 

Humbleness

God has chosen to instruct and counsel me a lot this year in humility. In fact, all through January and early February as I was writing daily the first draft of my first book, He instructed me to read 1 Peter 5 numerous times.

He especially drew my attention to verses 5-6. We are to clothe ourselves with humility (vs. 5) and humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand that He may lift us up in due time (vs.6).

Apparently, I needed the lesson again this week. Leaning into Him and surrendering to Him, He showed me again the power of humility. 

We don’t like being humbled. Do you know why? Because it hurts our ego. Our pride says, “I.” When we seek humility, it’s not about what we want any longer, but what God wants. 

I’m grateful Jesus is gracious to us when we want something our way, in our timing, and we want it without putting in the work.

When we’re humble He pours out His grace lavishly on us, but when we’re full of ourselves (pride), and want things our way, let’s just say He doesn’t take too kindly to that attitude.

In fact, the Bible tells us that God opposes (resists) us when we are proud. 

“But he continues to pour out more and more grace upon us. For it says, God resists you when you are proud, but continually pours out grace when you are humble.”

~ James 4:6 (TPT)

I’ve come to believe that some forms of pride, we don’t even realize are pride. Case in point. I didn’t realize that my desire to bless you with a shorter blog post had become a form of pride for me. 

I don’t think it started that way. My desire to bless you with a shorter blog post was just that. I wanted to not burden you with another long blog post to read. But that’s what I wanted for you, not what Jesus wanted for you or for me.

So, He let it play out…in me… His message of pride and humility. Present-moment true stories can be more difficult to write about because I don’t know how they are going to turn out. 

And while I’m still working on this particular message of pride and humility, the original question sits with me: “What do you want?”

Thursday Evening

It’s now Thursday evening. I’m still waiting on God to complete this lesson. I have to share that last night after I spent time working on my blog post, I went to my women’s Bible study. We are working through the book of Philippians. This week we read and discussed chapter two. 

Jesus was not through with my present-moment lesson. As I sat in Bible study, He spoke through these women and His Word. Toward the end of our time together, He showed me verse 21:

“Everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 2:21

You can imagine what my heart did. Crumble, I mean humble. I closed my eyes, and between Jesus and me, I said, “I get it. I’m sorry.”

Then, I shared with my Bible study friends that Jesus has been teaching me about humility again this week. I assured them, they would read about it in my blog post I’m writing this week.

Blank Pages

God likes filling the blank pages with His words, His messages. He also likes to use His people to do that. Well, four pages have been filled with over 1700 words. (That’s about 1,000 more than I wanted this blog to be this week.)

Like Paul observed back in his day that many believers were too concerned with their own needs and schedules to be concerned with what Jesus wanted, unfortunately, we are still the same way. Me included. 

Want to know what I want now? Humility. 

My prayer for you and me is that we would not let our own agenda, concerns, and interests get in the way of our serving Jesus and others in the way He wants us to. (Even if it means writing another long blog post.)

Let’s keep asking Jesus, “What do YOU want?” When He answers, may we all listen and obey.