Are We Going to Use Our Energy to Hate Others?

Here we go again, another tough question. Are we going to use our energy to hate others?

Forgiveness is the Key

I learned long ago that I can forgive others without them ever acknowledging the hurt or wrong they’ve done to me. If we wait for someone to apologize to us before we forgive them, who is in the wrong? 

If we don’t forgive others, bitterness and resentment take over our hearts and hate soon follows.

We may think apologies are the key to heal our broken hearts, but they don’t always unlock forgiveness. They may help us to heal, but they don’t always. What happens if the other person never apologizes? Will our heart never heal? It can or we can prevent its healing.

Personally, I’ve experienced apologizing to others only to find out years later they never forgave me. That is a problem with their heart, not mine. Has someone wronged you or hurt you and you are choosing to not forgive them? Do you harbor unforgiveness in your heart? If yes, are you aware of the amount of energy it takes to harbor this unforgiveness?

God’s word says we are to forgive so that we can be forgiven by God (Matthew 6:14-15).

Forgiveness is the key to healing broken hearts.

40 Years of Forgiveness

Forty years ago today, my sister Becky died. She was murdered by her husband. I wrote a blog post about it five years ago. It’s called “How to Forgive the Person Who Murders Your Sister.”

I thought about rewriting that post today. Instead, I encourage you to read the original piece. It was the first time I wrote about my sister’s murder.

I’m so glad I forgave my brother-in-law because I can’t imagine living 40 years with unforgiveness in my heart. Yet, I know people do live this way. 

In fact, one time someone wrote to me to inform me she had not been forgiving me. For years she held bitterness in her own soul and heart, and I didn’t even know she was mad at me or had a grudge and bitterness toward me. I felt sad to hear that she had been harboring bitterness and unforgiveness in her heart toward me for so long. I prayed for her because I couldn’t do anything about what was going on in her heart. But I knew Jesus could.

So, I ask again, are we going to use our energy to hate others? Because there are huge risks we take if we refuse to forgive.

Are we going to use our energy to hate others?

A friend commented on my original post about my sister’s murder. She shared a testimony about her own life and a question that God asked her about how she was going to live her life after her divorce. 

The question God asked her is the same question I’m asking us today. Yes, I did get this question from God through Cris. Are we going to use our energy to hate others?

I pray not. Hate destroys us more than the other person. Unforgiveness destroys us more than the other person. I believe that’s one of the biggest deceptions the Devil plays on us. We think we are hurting the one we hold a grudge against, but we the one who is being hurt and in many ways.

According to Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital,

“Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”

What a burden is lifted when we forgive. When we choose to let it go, whatever “it” is. Even murder.

Swartz says forgiveness “is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not.”

Did my brother-in-law deserve to be forgiven for murdering my sister? No. But God forgives us when we don’t deserve it too. I chose to forgive. 

November New Challenge

Are we going to use our energy to hate others? Or are we going to choose to forgive, let the burden go and be free from the chains of anger, bitterness, resentment, hate, and a myriad of health problems?

The choice is ours to make. We don’t need apologies to forgive. We just need to choose to let go of the negative feelings. 

This November, I strongly encourage you to start the process of forgiveness with anyone in your life who you have not forgiven.

Blessing

May we choose to obey God and forgive others. May we not wait for apologies, but rather start the forgiveness process today. May we rejoice when God wins through forgiveness in our lives.