Learning to how to ask good questions, does it really matter? During this November New Challenge, I’ve been challenged to keep growing and developing in this area. You may be surprised how beneficial the skill of asking good questions is.
Student of Asking Good Questions
I’ve been a student of learning to ask good questions for a long time. If I were to grade myself right now, I’d say I’m an average student. Oh, I’ve gotten better. How do I know I’ve improved? I started out as a failing student, that’s how.
Thankfully, God has placed specific people in my life to help guide me, remind me, and coach me so that I can continue to improve in this area of my life.
I’ve also intentionally studied how to ask good questions. In fact, I seek out books, articles, and experts on the subject so that I can continue to learn how to ask good questions.
Being coachable and teachable provides a great foundation to developing ourselves and others. And staying humble allows for one to be coachable and teachable. In fact, the Bible has a lot to say about this matter.
“Do not be wise in your own eyes.” Proverbs 3:7a
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4:10
Humility must be the starting point for us to have a teachable and coachable heart and mind. Learning to ask good questions also starts with humility. In fact, just recently, someone I respect evaluated me leading a group of people, and the most important point made to me was to ask more questions.
So, see? I’m still learning. And I still need the reminder. In reviewing my facilitation on my own later that evening, I agreed with the evaluation. I didn’t ask enough questions. Rather, I taught more than I should have.
Jesus Asks Questions
A new motto of mine:
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV
Jesus asked a lot of questions.
- If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? (Matthew 5:46)
- Why do you worry about clothes? (Matthew 6:28)
- How many loaves do you have? (Matthew 15:34)
- What do you want me to do for you? (Mark 10:51)
- Where are they? Has no one condemned you? (John 8:10)
In fact, often Jesus would answer a question with a question. Have you ever had someone do that to you? I have. I even have tried that strategy a few times myself.
One time, my son had a big decision to make. He asked me a question. I asked him a question in reply. This went on for a while. He gained insight. And the process challenged him. But ultimately, he got frustrated and finally said, “I don’t want you to ask me any more questions. I want to know your opinion.”
So, there is a balance too, friend. We can ask too many questions and that frustrates others. That was a great learning experience for me. I’m thankful my son was honest. I provided my opinion, but I didn’t want to give mine before I heard his own. And I wanted to make sure he had done some deeper thinking about his decision first.
Asking questions is one way we can be like Jesus.
Good Questions Create Benefits
Why do you think Jesus asked so many questions? Well, one of the benefits of asking good questions is that they cause the person to focus and stretch. Another benefit is that they create deep reflection. A third benefit is helping the other person to better view the situation.
Here’s an example from Matthew 15:1-3
“Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, ‘Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!’ Jesus replied, ‘And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?’”
Powerful question wouldn’t you agreed? Jesus’ question creates an opportunity for deep reflection too.
In the book, Leading with Questions: How Leaders Find the Right Solutions by Knowing What to Ask, author Michael J. Marquardt says, “They [great questions] are generally supportive, insightful, and challenging. They are often unpresumptuous and offered in a sharing spirit” (p. 87). I would say, that is exactly the kind of questions Jesus asked.
If we follow Jesus’ example, then our questions should also be supportive, insightful, and challenging, and offered in a sharing spirit. I think I forget sometimes that by not asking questions, I can come across as not having a sharing spirit. And friend, that is never my intention.
But if we want to follow Jesus in this is an area of continued growth and development, we can. Learning how to ask good questions at the right time takes practice. But I believe it’s a skill we can all learn. Plus, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
Learning How to Ask Good Questions
Do you struggle asking good questions? If you do too, I highly recommend reading the Gospels. Observe Jesus. What key questions does Jesus ask when people ask Him questions? How do His questions make you feel? Do you gain insight? Are you challenged by Jesus’ questions? Do you gain a better view of the situation?
I also recommend reading some books on learning how to ask good questions. Marquardt’s book mentioned above is a wonderful book. He covers the power of questions, asking questions effectively, and he provides a guide for leaders on when and how to ask powerful questions.
One other resource I recommend is Leading with Questions with Bob Tiede. Personally, I signed up for his blog. He shares great content for learning how to ask good questions.
We don’t have to do this on our own. God has blessed many people with the ability to come up with great questions. Let’s tap into the plethora of questions available and learn how to ask good questions.
Blessing
May we humble ourselves, follow Jesus’ example, and learn how to ask good questions. May our questions be supportive, insightful, and challenging. May we develop a sharing spirit.
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