This post may rub some people the wrong way. For that, I’m sorry. But I think it’s time we get this out in the open. Cell phones interfere with interpersonal relationships.
Before we dive into our second challenge, I want to remind you of Tom Rath’s first challenge: Put Your Own Wellbeing First.
Rath Challenge #2: Be known for NOT using your phone.
Rath strongly recommends setting down our cell phones. He encouraged face-to-face interactions with people. He challenged us to genuine listening, asking great questions, and truly being present to others in our life.
Be Present
Being present to others means we’re focused and engaged with them, not our cell phones.
These technical devices are controlling our lives. We’re allowing small computers to consume our attention and replace real-time, in-person relationships.
If we truly love our family and friends, we need to pay attention to them. Our coworkers need us to be present with them too.
When we’re constantly connected to our phone, we’re probably not giving our full attention to those who are in our presence. How do you think that makes them feel?
I’ll tell you how it makes me feel.
True Story Ahead
Many times when my husband and I finally sit down at the end of the week to watch a movie, he’ll be interested in who the artist singing the song on the music track of the movie is. So he whips out his phone right in the middle of the movie and starts researching to find the answer. Meanwhile, my blood starts to boil. I feel like he cares more about knowing some singer’s name than he cares about me.
I’ve experienced this in meetings at work too. We’re right in the middle of a conversation, someone’s phone does the silent vibration. Then that person picks up his or her phone to see who is on the other end. Seriously? Is that text, email, or Facebook private message more important than those present with you right now? Makes me feel annoyed and not important. Sometimes I just want to stop the meeting and ask, “So, should we reschedule this meeting?”
Okay, here’s a biggie for me. I absolutely hate it when I’m in a church service and I look around and see members of the congregation engaging with their cell phones rather than God. Have you ever had the lights dimmed in a church service only to have the person in front of you view their phone and start texting someone? The light is blinding! Not to mention disrespectful to everyone around them including God. Makes me feel disrespected.
I’m totally guilty of all of the above too. In fact, if you read my Date Night Etiquette blog post you’ll discover how my cell phone behavior impacted others.
Rath’s challenge to be known for NOT using our cell phone hit me at my core. I love people. I love my family, friends, and coworkers. If I feel unimportant, disrespected, and not cared for when others use their cell phones rather than be present in the moment with me, I can be assured they feel that way too when I put my cell phone before them.
Maybe one of the first questions we need to ask others is, “How does it make you feel when I’m looking at my phone while I’m supposed to be present with you?”
Practical Application
Like Rath, I believe small changes can lead to big changes. We live in a technological era. Like most of you, I too, use my cell phone. In fact, I recently began an Instagram account, which is all about using your mobile device.
Still, I think we owe it to others to give them our attention, to be focused and engaged with them while with them.
So, I’ve come up with a list of ideas that are small changes where we can begin to be known for NOT using our phones and rather be present to others.
- Turn your phone off during one meal each day
- Don’t bring your phone to one meeting each day
- Leave your phone inside when you go on a walk
- When watching a TV program, put your phone in a different room
- Turn your phone off when in a church service
I’ve been practicing these and I can attest it’s possible to live for one hour without my cell phone.
My challenge to you is this:
Be known for NOT using your phone for at least one hour each day when you are supposed to be fully present with another person.
Remember, you have today to be intentional about this.
I’d love to hear about your experiences, so let me know how it goes for you in the comments below.
Leave a Reply